Choosing a therapist is a tough task, especially since the internet presents us with so many choices. How do you know which therapist is the best one for you? What do all those letters after their names mean? Do they know anything about how to help people with the kinds of dilemmas I’m facing?
My first suggestion is that you ask a trusted friend or family member if they know a good therapist. People often start their search on therapist directory websites like “Psychology Today” that are lists of local therapists. But, starting with one of these sites is akin to choosing randomly. Reputation matters in psychotherapy and it’s virtually impossible to understand a person’s reputation by looking at their listing on a website. Starting with two or three names of therapists who have a good reputation is much better than choosing names randomly from a list of therapists.
Once you have a few names, it is a good idea to do some research. Just because someone else thinks a specific therapist is fantastic does not mean they will be a good fit for you. So, go to the therapist’s website and read everything. Go to the therapists directories online to find the therapists you are considering. And, see if you can find their practice social media pages. These online spaces are the equivalent of their practice brochure. Their pictures should be professional. Information about them should be consistent across platforms. The writing should be professional and thoughtful. If it seems like they didn’t take the process seriously, pay attention to that.
On most therapist directory sites, you will notice that therapists state what kind of therapy they do (there are many kinds like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Psychoanalytic therapy, Humanistic therapy, etc.), what groups of people they like to work with (couples, LGBTQ+ people, individuals, people from diverse cultures, etc.), and in what types of symptoms or problems they have expertise (such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc). If a therapist states that they are good at all types of therapy, working with all groups of people, and helping with all sorts of problems, there is a very good chance they will not be a good therapist. The truth is that it takes a therapist thousands of hours of practice to become good at just a few things. Those that are declaring they are good at everything cannot possibly be good at most of them. Psychology is a massive field and one therapist cannot know everything.
When you’ve done some homework and found a few therapists you think might be a good fit for you, it’s time to call or email to ask some questions. Of course, you’ll want to know about practical things like whether they take your insurance, whether they have availability to see you at a time and day that works for you, and where their office is located. You might also want to know where they went to school and what degree they earned. Although it is not always true, choosing a therapist that has some experience is generally helpful. If you haven’t noticed already through research, ask them what license they hold. Tell them a little bit about your circumstances and listen carefully to how they respond. Therapists who respond directly, with empathy, thoughtfulness, respect, and a helpful attitude are more likely to work with you this way throughout the process. Ask them how they work with people who have circumstances like yours. And, ask them how many people they’ve worked with that have circumstances like yours. If you feel like you could work with them, schedule a time to meet in person. But, before you go to their office, go to the state licensing board website through which they are licensed. Look up their name and search to see if they have had a complaint filed against them. If a complaint resulted in disciplinary measures by the board, cancel your appointment, and move on to the next therapist on your list.
During the first session, you’ll probably want to tell the therapist some of the details of your circumstances. Don’t expect that this first hour will solve problems. Instead, think of it as a time to get to know them to determine if it’s a good fit for both of you. Remember, you’re interviewing the therapist.
There are some traits and skills that all good therapists have in common. After your appointment, reflect on whether the therapist you interviewed had these traits and skills:
- Was the therapist emotionally honest and unafraid of the feelings, needs, thoughts, and experiences you expressed?
- Was the therapist respectful?
- Did the therapist seem to have an open mind and a curious attitude?
- Did the therapist seem able to imagine with great detail what the experiences of others are like even when they have not ever had that experience themselves?
- Therapists need to integrate their personal style with their book knowledge and clinical training. Did it seem that the therapist was personable while also able to discuss their knowledge?
- Therapists need to be humble. Did the therapist seem more interested in being an authority figure, or someone who was willing to listen and consider the experiences of others?
- Being ethical in every detail of practice is important in order to be a good therapist. Good therapists admit their mistakes and work toward repairing problems. It’s probably too early to know much about their ethics but was the therapist professional and organized with things like reviewing confidentiality and cancellation policies?
- Good therapists don’t believe they can help with every problem. Did the therapist promise they could help or imply that solving the dilemmas you face would be easy or fast? Similarly, was the therapist quick to diagnose you before hearing much about your situation? Or were they quick to offer advice, homework, or solutions before understanding enough about the problems?
If the therapist demonstrates many of these skills and you feel comfortable, then you probably found a decent therapist. If not or if you have doubts, move on to the next therapist on your list. The search for a good therapist may take time, but having the right fit is a key to successful therapy.